Importance of Owning Your Sexuality

So, an asexual is generally defined as someone who experiences no, or a lack of sexual attraction to others and/ or consistently lacks sexual desire. I, for one, do regard it a legitimate orentation, and therefore, is a result of how a person is wired or biologically made up (possibly epigenetics, etc).

That is not to say, however, that everyone who identifies as “asexual” feels or thinks the same way. It’s fascinating when I read posts on an Asexual group on Facebook, the amount of varying opinions on certain topics relating to sexuality, like sex, libido, even pornography there are. People in the Asexual community all have their own way of expressing and experiencing their asexuality. And I  love that.

My point is, our sexuality should be at the very least, accepted for what it is by us. It’s easy to feel alienated or guilty for not being something else, but all it does is do your head in. I’m also guessing, after the recent exposure and collapse of Exodus International in the U.S, that anyone who does identify as asexual is going to stay that way, unless their sexuality does, by some chance change. However, it can’t be forced. It sounds like no counselling or whatnot is going to change it (note: I do view lack of sexual desire due to sexual trauma different. People in  these situations should get all the help they need.)

Your sexuality is your own and yours alone. Your experiences of love and attraction (or in some cases lack of attraction) are yours. There is very little you can do to change it. Own your sexuality, accept it and give yourself the respect you deserve.  

Insight – Virginity 25 June 2013

Last night’s Insight episode was very interesting. It was refreshing to hear that people  felt it was both the responsiblity of men and women to take control of their sexuality and remain virgins before marriage (in the context of much of the discussion, virginity in the vew of religious and cultural beliefs were being discussed). I do think if it’s important to you, regardless of your culture/ religion, then frankly, you’ll find the courage to remain a virgin before marriage. Now, let me make it clear. I’m talking about consesual sex, NOT rape. Rape is NEVER justified and NEVER the victim’s fault. That’s NOT what it means to lose your virginity.

Just a quick note. I don’t think it’s anyone’s right, even on religious grounds, to force someone to remain a virgin or become sexual. Each individual needs to make that decision themselves. If it’s on the grounds of faith, the individual needs to get  a revelation on what’s right and what’s not. Just telling people not to have sex doesn’t work. Look at any statistics regarding virginity pledges and premarital sex in the U.S. At the end of the day, whether you remain a virgin or not has to be a personal choice.

In certain cultures, it’s the mothers that are responsible for making sure that their daughters remain  virgins until they get married. Even though you can guide your children (boht boys and girls), to making right choices that fit your moral ideal, at the end of the day, people make their own choices and whether they follow your ideal is up to them.

Psychologist and sociologists agree that in parenting, it’s what you do, not what you say that has the biggest impact. Hypocrisy backfires.

In my personal opinion, I think it’s good to tell children to embrace their sexuailty and to value themselves as human beings, rather than imposing legalistic rules that are broken if aren’t backed up. Children and young people should be taught self – respect, consent and the right to say no, the right to be respected, and most importantly, the obligation to respect others, both same – sex and opposite se


This blog explores the concepts of sexuality and gender and what it all means for someone who is asexual. I’m very opinionated when it comes to relationships and sexuailty and, even though, sometimes I find it painful, I do find debates about sexuality and relationships fascinating. This is why I created this blog; to give my perspective on what other people go through, even though, frankly, I will probably not have much, if any firsthand experience being an asexual myself and someone who’s been single their whole life.

I can’t wait to start discussing such issues with you all. Feel free to comment and open discussions on what you read here. Please keep conversations respectful and avoid attacking others. I will not tolerate bullying of anyone on this site! Thanks for understanding.