I’ll say this from the outset: this post is only going on what I’ve read online and my personal opinion which isn’t based on experience. Don’t take this as gospel, that’s all I’m saying.
Ok, I was just looking up on google about sexual/ asexual relationships, kind of inspired by another blog post I read about how relationships are viewed in society and how asexuals don’t always fit the standard. It got me thinking about sexual/ asexual relationships. Can they really work? Can that sort of relationship work. What I found, I must say, surprised me.
So, it got me thinking, can they work, even if the asexual doesn’t want sex? Well, yes as it turns out, well, some can. Obviously, each case has to be considered individually. Some asexuals are ok with sex, some sexuals (I’m guessing of all orientations), say they can deal with no sex and still have a relationship. I’m not sure how common this is (probably not very, but then again, you never know).
I guess it comes to how each person views sex. In my opinion, if the asexual completely shudders at the thought of sex and their partner thinks sex is an important part of intimacy, then, it may be an obstacle. Some people view sex as, not just an act of intimacy, but rather signal that they’re partner loves them and is attracted to them. Talking in a completely monogamous context, frankly, I don’t see how a scenario like above can work out successfully. I honestly don’t if something can’t be negotiated (for some people on either side, this would be non negotiable). Some people who aren’t asexual may just view sex as a primal drive and can be satisfied without another person being there (e.g. masturbation) and other than that, they think they can have a non – sexual relationship. I think this could be fine, if resentment doesn’t build up over time.
Of course, then, there is non – monogamy (e.g. open relationships, polyamory, etc). This definitely needs to be considered extra carefully and talked about with the upmost respect for the relationship and both parties considering it. It may be able to work with some people (either sexual or asexual), but with some people, it can be an absolute deal – breaker. It’s not for everyone.
Asexual/ sexual relationships aren’t automatically impossible and an asexual shouldn’t feel like they’re not good enough because they found themselves in love or interested in (romantically or otherwise), someone who isn’t an asexual. The relationship isn’t automatically doomed to fail. You do need to consider deal – breakers though, from both parties. Are you OK with sex? Are they OK without it? Are you OK with non – monogamy? Are they? In my opinion, if the answer is “no” to any of these questions and both sides feel like they can’t meet the other person half way, then that’s a problem. And there are some people who feel ilke they’ve got absolute needs (e.g. sex or no sex). That’s OK, it’s just the way it is. But can it work out? Should it? I was going to put my thoughts, but I’ll leave it open to you. Are any of you in a sexual/ asexual relationship? What are you’re thoughts?