Why Can’t Women Just Be?

I read in article yesterday that female pubic hair is back in. It is actually in demand from the consumers of adult entertainment.

So it sounds like women can relax finally… for now anyway. First something is “in”, then “out” then in again. women can’t seem to win. I understand men feel unimaginable pressure to.

Why can’t we just be ourselves? I’m not against waxing or other things that people want to do to make themselves feel better. Frankly, what I am against, is when others are rejected or treated cruelly because they don ‘t fit the ideal. In all honesty, I find the pressure that’s placed on women to look like a porn star to be quite misogynistic (and of course, it’s wrong against men too).

My belief is, everyone should own they’re own bodies. Nobody has a right to demean of abuse or objectify another human being. We need the culture of respect to return. And I hope it happens soon.

What Hope Has Anyone Got When We Have Reality TV?

Soon (if it hasn’t started already), reality show “Please Marry My Boy” will be starting on Prime. For those who don’t know what the show’s about, mothers of men ranging from about 20’s to 40’s play ” matchmaker” if you will, to try and find their sons suitable wives.  Then, I guess, the men have the last say and form a relationships with, I guess, whoever they fall in love with.

Thing is, both the men, and especially the women, are ridiculously attractive. Sure, the mothers talk about values, compatibility, etc but, let’s face it, looks play a MAJOR role in the show.

Now, I’ve said before that for most people, physical attraction plays a big part in how people choose mates, but our society and the media have gone totally nuts! How is society and the media suppose to demonstrate concern  about eating disorders and poor self image and still advertise impossible beauty for both men and women?

Another problem I have about reality shows is how they portray how men and women relate to each other. Sure, it all looks sweet and respectful, but is respect really there? Last year, the Australian season of “The Bachelor” came under fire because one of the contestants accused the bachelor Tim (please forgive me, no idea of his last name. Feel free to tell me if you know), of dragging the girls along when he already knew who he was in love with anyway. One could argue that the former contestant was just jealous, but I think it does raise a serious question: how many people get emotionally hurt throughout these shows and what does that say about relationships? How does that inform the public how to relate to each other, especially in intimate relationships? Is honesty and care somewhat compromised?

i’m saying these things to sound like a bitter bag, seriously, I’m not. I just really question the messages that it sends to people and the effect it has on society and young people in particular. Feel free to add any thoughts you have.



Why Is “Coming Out” Such A Big Deal?


Some people are finding the conversation of “coming out” tiresome and are asking the question “what is the big deal?” I think it’s fair to say that many of these people mean well. But the fact still remains that heterosexuality is still the assumed default orientation that people expect and homophobia still exists.

I heard on the ABC News24 about youth suicide in Australia. According to the woman being interviewed, two of the most vuilnerable groups in regard to suicide or attempted suicide are LGBTQI and Aboriginal youth. The figure that shocked me is that according to her, 41% of young people who identify as LGBT admitted that they had tried to take their own lives.

Now suicide is a tricky and often complex topic. However, it seems that LGBT are way over represented in suicide data. Are we as “tolerant” or “accepting” as we like to think we are? So there is no need to “come out” or is it that people just prefer it if people did keep their identity to themselves? Again, I’ll stress, I don’t think everyone is malicious when they say things like that, it’s just a point ot ponder.

It made me think of the time I came out as asexual to a cousin through a Facebook message. When I sent it, I was nervous (even though we do get along). Finally, when she replied to the message and she accepted it without any problems, I was so relieved, I cried hours later.

There is something about opening up about yourself when the risk of being rejected, ostracised or worse is real or seems real. There is a real discomfort, when your out with people and you know that you’re even different from them in a significant way, especially when the discussion comes around to relationships (I realised after one conversation back in 2010 that I was aromantic as well as asexual).

I did read a post from another fellow blogger about the issues asexuals, as well as members of the LGBT face, however, I was just wondering, does anyone know any statistics, data, articles, etc that talk about the extent of issues faced by asexuals? If anyone can post any information in the comments section, even about suicide among asexuals, it would be appreciated. Thanks.

Opposite – Sex Friendships

I have a really good friend who is a guy. He’s just under two years younger than me. Nothing has, or ever will happen between us, even if I was straight. He’s currently got a partner who is expecting a baby.

i do not get the whole expectation of chemistry between opposite – sex friends. You can’t be attracted to EVERYONE of the gender/s you’re attracted to, can you? Some women actually prefer friendships with men because they think they have less drama (and no, they’re not gay).

i wonder if the over – sexualisation of male/ female relationships is the driving force of sexism in society (or worse). Why can’t we treat each other like human beings first and develop a culture of respect for the opposite gender as well as ourselves?

Maybe it’s too easy for me, as an asexual to make such a comment. I mean I don’t know what it’s like to be physically attracted to someone. My argument is that men and women can be without sexual tension hovering over their heads.

Has anyone got a really good/ best friend of the opposite sex?


To think that people are attracted to each other based largely on looks used to infuriate me.  Now, I’ve calmed down on the issue and now see certain validity in the  argument.

From a scientific perspective (note: just so you know, I don’t have a scientific bone in my body. Take this with a grain of salt and feel free to do your own research), people experience sexual attraction to certain people because of the possibility for producing healthy offspring. So it makes sense that a certain level attraction is based on looks, at least initially. However, some people do go a bit extreme (like the guy on Dr. Phil show today).

Even as an asexual, I sometimes feel an emotional attraction (crushes), and I’d be lying if I said said that aesthetics didn’t play a part in that (personality does too). Nothing came of these crushes, but they’ve been there.

I think for most people, attraction based on aesthetics is something that happens, at least initially. How people choose to let it drive their lives and if they mistreat people because of it is when it becomes a real issue. Other than that, I’m one of those people who believes that you can’t help who you’re attracted to, either physically and/ or romantically.

(A)Sexuality Is NOT A Fad

In the latest series of “My Kitchen Rules” “best friends” Carly and Tresne revealed the true nature of their relationship; they are a couple. Comments on the New Idea website (I think), that this “revelation” was simply a publicity stunt by the producers purely for ratings.

I have a problem with this idea of making a sexual orientation into a sort of  “fad”. I get that people are trying to gain acceptance for the LGB, but I truly think that using sexuality, in this case, for ratings is wrong.

It’s the same with this never -ending focus on bisexuality. Of course, the bisexuals are rarely in monogamous relationships or,  someone is labelled “bisexual” when he/she has slept with both men and women and usually, more than one of each gender. Whether people are in monogamous relationships is their choice. My argument is that this constant portrayal of bisexual people only feeds into social biphobia rather than just awareness.

Asexuality is starting to be talked about on and off. I would love for the day when it is talked about more openly. However, what I don’t want is for asexuality to be mocked, caricatured or negatively stereotyped. Like in all groups and identities, asexual people, even though small in percentage of the population, are diverse group. I’ve been fascinated by the number of views and experiences that are posted by people in the Asexuality groups I’m a part of on Facebook. Lack of sexual attraction and desire links us together, but rather than that, we’re a diverse group. I would like for that to be portrayed when there’s more talk on asexuality. More academic research will be a good start, I think.

Payne it’s up to us asexuals to start a genuine discussion about our own personal experiences, thoughts and feelings. I realise that there’s a number of projects that allow people to share their experiences and thoughts.

Does anyone think there’s not enough awareness on asexuality? Is anybody personally been involved in any asexuality research projects or visibility campaigns? Any ideas on what could be done, if anything?

Was Jesus Asexual?

From time to time, there’s talk about Jesus’ sexuality and relationship status. Was He married? Did He always remain single? Was He asexual?

Last year, a piece of parchment was found, supposedly quoting that Jesus had a “bride”. This fragment is essentially useless to scholars and historians because the rest of the parchment can’t be found, so the context is unknown.

For me, it doesn’t matter. Jesus could’ve been asexual, no one knows. As I’ve said in the past, I get annoyed when people spiritualise asexuality. For me, it just is. To me, Jesus’ ministry (and His eventual death and resurrection) and what it signifies is far more important than whether He was married or not.

Jesus came for a mission to save the world and bring reconciliation between God and man. Anything that makes us lose focus on that, I believe, is a big mistake.