The Problem With The Word “Lifestyle”

This word irks me when people are actually talking about sexuality. “He/she lives a gay lifestyle”, “Oh, your asexual? That’s a good lifestyle” (ok, the last one is made up).

Here’s the thing, when someone says to you, for example, “I’m asexual”, what the person is really saying is “I don’t feel any sexual attraction to anyone regardless of gender”. Usually, they are NOT talking about celibacy.

It irritates me, quite frankly, when people say things like “gay lifestyle”. What do they mean exactly by “gay lifestyle”? The gay bar scene? What you see at Mardi Gras ( or the caricatured portrayals? What about people on monogamous same – sex relationships? What about those who, because of personal choice, are celibate? What about people who are in homoromantic relationships, but don’t act out sexually? (maybe because a partner is asexual)?


I have said this before, and I’ll say it again: sexual orientation is a pattern of ATTRACTION toward certain genders. It often starts at puberty en carries onto adulthood. Sure, most people eventually act on such attractions, but regardless of whether someone does or doesn’t, it doesn’t change a person’s orientation. In fact, some scientists actually believe that sexual orientation notation is either determined in the womb or in early childhood (up to about age five). That is WAY before any actions take place. It’s years before people can cognitively make choices on such matters. That’s one of the reasons why most countries have age of consent laws and why anything under that is usually condemned.

Sure some people will do some experimentation to determine their sexuality. Others will know by instinct, often by the age of fifteen. Some even know a lot earlier.


I’ll close by saying this. I’m asexual.

  • No, that DOES NOT mean I’m ‘special’
  • It does not mean I’m single (I am, but that’s irrelevant)
  • it does not mean I’m a prude (haven’t been called that, just saying)
  • It simply means I don’t like anyone physically.


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