Identifying As Asexual and Being OK With It

I didn’t identify as asexual until just before my 21st birthday, but looking back, I would say there were ‘signs” much earlier. Throughout my life, even in primary school (Year Four +), sex and love never went hand – in – hand with me. When I was a teenager, however, from the ages of about 13 – 15, I assumed that I would get married and have children. At 16, that kind of came to a crashing hault. I couldn’t get myself to date. And the idea of sex made me panic.

In Year 11, I had a girl in my year who was an out lesbian. When I say “out” I mean, “out”, “out”. She was incredibly open about her sexuality. Sometimes, when she talked about such things, I shut down. Note, I do not say this to mean that LGB people should stay in the closet. It just confirmed to me that that’s not what i was either. There were other people who came out as bi (one later gay), and I didn’t fit in either.

From 16 – 20 I thought I was straight but not found the right person yet. It was one night, just before my 21st birthday, I had dinner with a few friends at a hotel. We got talking about relationships, and what we wanted in men when we married. That seemed really foreign to me. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself to snap out of it, it was just really foreign, just wasn’t something I experienced.


So, I say I officially, if you like, identified as asexual since I was 21. Through that time, I’ve tried to come to grips with it. It’s isolating and quite nerve – wracking at times. Writring this blog has given me not just an outlet, but also a way to inform others about aseuxailty and it’s existence in the context of the modern world.

Have I come to acept it? Yes…. kind of. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t make it change. (And note to non – aces out there, no “doing it’ isn’t going to change anything, finding “the right person isn’t going to do anytyhing- it’s an orientation).

So, that’s a part of my story.


To other asexuals, what’s your story? When did you identify as asexual?

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