I haven’t been through this personally, but I have heard it in the media and also read it on Facebook. Someone mentions that they’re asexual and a common response is “you just haven’t find the right person yet”. Here’s a few points I want to give to non – asexuals; before you use that line on someone who identifies as asexual, here’s a few points think of this:
- DId you have to “find the right person” before you found out that your were straght/ gay, etc?
- Did you have to “bat’ if you like for different teams before you realised your orientation?
- Did you discover your orientation before or after you fell or felt attraction to someone?
Chances are, the answers to those questions are: No, No, and Before. Sexual orientation is innate. It exists whether we “act” on it or not. Scientifically, it’s believed that our sexual orientation is actually determined in early childhood (in about the first five years. Of course our experiences of sexual/ romantic attraction are not felt until years later). I’m a firm, hard – headed believer that this is the same with asexuals. Asexual people are programmed the way they are from early on; at least I would say, most are (I get that sexuality can be fluid. I’m not denying that).
I get that many people don’t get it. That’s why I want to write this. We’re asexuals, not by choice, but by the same indicators that other people are straight, for example.
Asexuality is an orientation. It’s the way some people (albeit small percentage) just are. And there ain’t nothin’ anyone can do about it.