Trigger Warning: This post talks about sexual assault and rape culture. If this is triggering for you, please proceed with caution. If you need help with personal issues, please get it.
On Wednesday night, The Project did a story on controversial “dating coach” (I use that term extremely lightly, hence the quotation marks), Julien Blanc, who’s “seminars” have been recently cancelled in Australian capital cities, particularly, Sydney and most recently from what I’ve read, Brisbane.
As people probably know, Blanc is an American Youtuber that is infamous for filming himself forcing young women to kiss him or of him inappropriately groping them. He argues that this is a successful “pick – up line”, even though the women that comes into contact with him are very resistant in the least.
The thought of someone like that even having an audience, people who is actually intrigued by what he has to say, let alone believing it, scares me. It feeds into misogyny in society. It further pushes the message that women haven’t got a right to their own sexuality or bodies. These attitdues NEED to die out.
I’m saying this in this blog, because it’s *believed that asexual women are more vulnerable to sexual assault*. When an asexual woman says to a man who’s interested in her that she isn’t interested, her requests get ignored. Huffington post has done an article on this here.
Let me be clear. This dangerous attitude toward women and their sexuality isn’t only damaging to asexual women (althought it is believed that they and lesbians in particular are vulnerable), it affects women in general. How many times has rape been legitimised because of what a victim has supposedly wore? Too many times I care to think about. And that’s from what I’ve heard!
Nobody “owns” anybody. We need to get that. We don’t have the right to demand that other people become our property. This is where abuse starts. Each person owns themselves. This attitude of people “owning” women has had the opposite, but same damaging effect in other circles, particularly hardcore conservative communities.
*I’m not sure of the exact statistic, so I can’t for certain say hte rate that this is happening. In the xojane article http://http://www.xojane.com/#!/sex/true-love-waits-pledge, Samantha Pugsley explained how growing up in a culture where virginity was prized above all else, actually ended up damaging her view of her own sexuality, even after marriage, because of the shame she grew up with. This again, I believe stems from the same toxic attitude, that women can’t control when they have sex or whom they have sex with. It’s in the hands of someone else! I’ve argued before that if someone wants to remain a virgin or celibate, then their wishes should be respected. But I also argued that it should stem from personal conviction and choice, not enforced by the outside.
I want to give credit where it’s due. I commend the people responsible for the boycotting of the Blanc seminars. I also applaud the panel on “The Project” and how they responded to it. A further heartfelt hats off to Pete Heliar and Hugh Riminton who both condemned Blanc’s show, particuklarly Riminton, who rightfully slammed Blanc’s attitudes as being “misogynistic”. Thank you all for such a strong approach to it. And what the panellists said was right. We need to talk to young men (in particular) in how to treat women properly. We also need to talk to women on how THEY are the masters of their own bodies. THEY get to decide when they have sex (or not). NOBODY has a right to take that away from them. And of course, it goes the other way round too.