Earlier today, I was reading a blog post on Mamamia about a woman who was 28 and ‘accidentally’ a virgin. She identified as straight (she specifically said she didn’t identify as asexual or gay). When I was reading the article, I thought to myself, why is it such a big deal? Why does this woman feel so much pressure and shame about the fact she hadn’t gone ‘all the way’ with a guy? Have we as a society gone too far the other way, in that people are, or at least feel shamed for not having sex?
These questions that ran through my head made me wonder if that ‘s one of the reasons why we still as a society have a fair way to go in fully accepting people who are asexual. Not only that, but this pressure is, obviously putting undue pressure on non – aces as well. Why do we value each other, and even ourselves on whether or not we’ve lost the ‘V – card’?
Last year, a story went global about a 58 – year – old man who hadn’t lost his virginity after being first published in ‘Science of Us’, then retold in the ‘New York Times’ and ‘Mamammia’. From what I read, his sex – life (or the non – existence of it) wasn’t his only problem. He seemed severely depressed and had issues from childhood it seemed like he hadn’t laid to rest. Yet, the title of these articles focused on the fact that he was a virgin. Click bait maybe?
On the last point, I think when talking about issues like this, I think it’s important to make sure we have to look at the full picture, not just focus on the fact on whether someone is a virgin or not. We shouldn’t pathologise people for not having sex yet(whether by choice or not). We should just accept the fact that people are different in many areas, when we lose our virginity, how and when we start dating, etc, etc. Can we just accept that?
I was heartened that most of the comments at the bottom of the post were supportive and saying that it shouldn’t matter. Some even said they’d lost their virginity in their late 20’s. So, there was support and empathy out there. Just a pity it’s deemed an issue at all.
What do you think? Is there too much emphasis on losing virginity?