Coming Out… To Yourself

Another post about ‘coming out’ to probably the most important person… yourself.

“Coming out” is a choice faced by the LGBT+ community; including asexual people. The average age for young people to come out as gay is 17 according to “The Guardian; way younger than pre – Stonewall Riots in 1969.

For asexual people, the main reason for not coming out young is not persecution, necessarily, but just not knowing that asexuality exists for the person’s adolescent and adult life. Internet forums and information platforms, such as Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. (better known as it’s acronym AVEN), have given tech – savvy young people information that may (or most likely), not have been available for older asexual people when they were younger, and hence, they didn’t know about asexuality, and despite probably feeling “different” for most of their lives, they lived traditional “sexual” lives anyway (marriage, etc), probably thinking that there was something “wrong” with them.

Knowing the terminology is one thing. Admitting to yourself that you are asexual, or even your romantic orientation, is another. In the book, asexual vlogger, author and advocate Julie Sondra Decker (also known by her YouTube pseudonym Swanky Ivy), described that while many asexual people are relieved when they find out a term for what they’re feeling, they can also go through a period of sadness and grief as well. As I’ve said before, it can really throw you off. It did to me. All of a sudden, things aren’t certain any more. Coming out as asexual when your in a relationship can seriously change the relationship, or break it up. For a lot of younger people, when they “come out” as asexual, they’re often not believed by family and friends.

There is something that happens way before that, and it’s probably the most important part of the process… coming out to yourself. This can be hard. It can be scary. It can be hard to accept, but it’s the most important part of the process. I truly believe you can only fake something like that for so long before it wrecks you. Even if you decide that there’s no need to come out to friends, family, co – workers, etc, I truly believe that coming to terms with it yourself is really important. Accepting yourself is really important. Not constantly kidding yourself that you’re something that you’re not is, in my view, is crucial. Being authentically yourself, and admitting the truth to yourself can be very liberating and psychologically and emotionally beneficial.

So please, whether you decide that it’s not one’s business and you don’t feel the need to come out to others, give yourself the care to come out and accept yourself. Living a lie is no way to live.

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