Myths About Asexuailty – Video

Just saw this video before. Very good. And the person who made the video isn’t asexual herself.

One slight criticism, she used the term “transsexual” wrong at the start (you’ll find out what I mean).

Rather than that, great video. To the girl who made it, as a part of the asexual community, I say “thank you” for taking your time to spread some information about us in such a respectful, non – stereotypical way. Kudos to you. ūüôā


Response To “Nothing Natural About Celibacy”

Response to Tom Elliot’s editorial piece: “Nothing Natural About Celibacy”:

Dear Mr. Elliot

I want to respond to the editorial piece you wrote ‘Nothing Natural About ¬†Celibacy’ (Herald Sun, 30/8/2014, p. 15). A quote jumped out at me when I was reading it:

Physical intimacy with a significant other is a normal and fundamental part of human existence

For most people, I repeat MOST PEOPLE this is the case. But it isn ‘t the case for a small number of people (e.g. people who are asexual). Why do I bring this up? Because it’s true. I’m on of those people. Right ¬†back from my sex and emotional intimacy didn’t necessarily go hand in hand. All crushes I’ve had have never been physical, always emotional. Throughout my life, unless my orientation changes, that’s going to continue to be the case.

Why did I bring this up? Because I’m tired of people like me getting either completely ignored in the media or having our feelings invalidated. We do exist! I can’t just ‘make’ myself sexual ( if there’s a form of re- orientation therapy that I haven’t heard about and it’s actually scientifically PROVEN to work, tell me about it I’m interested (I honestly doubt it though).

I honestly respect the fact that MOST humans have an innate drive to seek out a sexual partner. My argument, is that not EVERYONE has that drive and it would be great if that could be acknowledged.





Queer As Cat – “Aphobia Exists”

TRIGGER WARNING: This post mentions sexual and other violence as well as discrimination and bullying. Proceed with caution if this is triggering for you. 

I first saw this image on Facebook today and it got me thinking about Aphobia and how it could be defined.  When I saw this image and read the text within it, frankly, I think most of the content was bordering on politically correct. I think we should be aware of and steer away from pettiness and unnecessary victim mentality and the demonising of others. So, what is Aphobia and how should it be defined?

Sexual and gender minorities, including asexuals, do face persecution and discrimination worldwide. I have read that asexual people can find themselves more vulnerable to being sexually assaulted in the foeprm of ‘corrective’ rape. Sexual orientation (or perceived sexual orientation), is still a major subject of bullying in schools. Teenagers are often kicked out of home when they disclose their sexuality to their families, leaving them more vulnerable to physical and sexual violence.

For asexual people specifically, one of the biggest obstacles that asexual people face (from what I have read), is not being believed. Some have also been bullied at school because of their sexual orientation (usually homophobic – being “accused” of being gay). The last one can and does hurt. I have also heard of asexual people being discriminated against in housing based on their sexual orientation.

In my opinion, the paragraph above lists some examples of what should be listed as Aphobia. I think we should cut people at least a little bit of slack for not understanding what asexuality is and ask sometimes, bizarre questions. If we get asked an inappropriate question, then we should just (gently) say we won’t answer the question. Dare I say it, in reality, most people probably don’t mean to be malicious in those circumstances.


If we genuinely want to bring visibility and acceptance to sexual people, we can’t constantly have a victim mentality or make a habit of condemning people unfairly. Not everyone is going to be against us because of who we are. For the moment, like I’ve said before, I think we have to be open to questions since asexuality is not well – known yet (we’re getting there, I think).

Another thing – we need to stop creating factions amongst ourselves. I have seen some pretty heated debates on social media and certain people not made to feel welcome in groups and certain people have been unfairly shut up. This can’t happen. Sure, we will have disagreements, even heated ones, but we need unity. We need to be able to discuss topics with respect and let people find out who they are without ridicule and ostracism. Let’s stand together and aim to educate, not ridicule or demonise others.

Decade of Asexual Recognition?

In 1972, Australian magazine, CLEO came out and this month is celebrating the publishing of it’s 500th issue. I was just reading over their reflections of what has been going on over ¬†the decades. There was a summary of various things like music and world events that defined the decades, including sexual trends. It got me thinking, is it possible that this decade will be about (at least the start of) asexual visibility?

Whether good or bad, since 2011 in particular, asexuality has been in the spotlight. Magazines like CLEO, Australia’s Woman’s Day (or was it Women’s Weekly?), the American show The View as well as The Project and SBS’s The Feed have all done articles or segments talking about asexuality. Yes, frankly, some of the coverage has been less than ideal, but it’s getting out there none the less. I think it’s not such a bad thing.

However, there is still come confusion on whether asexuality is a proper sexual orientation or whether it’s a “problem” that needs to be fixed. I think it’s fair ypthink sY that most asexual people (myself included) believe the former. Research, including scientific research, is still in it’s infancy and I hope over time, say over the next decade, that asexuality will be properly recognised as an orientation. I suppose the gay commubity had similar battles for recognition in the seventies (a long with much more). Homosexuality was removed out of the DSM in 1975 and in Australia, States and Territories started scrapping anti – sodomy laws (it wasn’t until 1997when all the States and Territories had the laws overturned).

What I’m saying is that I believed (and hope) that this decade will continue to see the discusdion, respect and validation of asexuality in society, within the scientific community and the media. I hope that eventually, people will be able to come out as asexual and not be disbelieved or ridiculed.

When do you think asexuality will be accepted as a genuine orientation? What do you think about media coverage of asexuality so far?


The Fallacy of the Statement ‘Humans Are Sexual Beings’

I’ll admit, every time I hear the saying “people are sexual beings”, I want to call into a ball and never be seen again. I CAN’T experience sexual attraction, like most people who identify as asexual (I say “most as to include grey – sexual sand demi – sexuals).

I have written before about some of the early research into asexuality and other bloggers, like Jo Qualmann have written about asexuality erasure and current research. When I read about research into asexuality on Tumblr, it was so liberating. Sure, more needs to be done, by put it’s a start.

This research, if it’s valid, is starting to prove that the saying “people are sexual beings” isn’t totally true. MOST people are sexual, yes, but we are not ALL sexual. No matter what others say, or what we even say to ourselves, some of us may never experience sexual attraction.

Asexuality is NOT something to be ‘fixed’, or dare I say it, something that could even be ‘fixed’ even if some people wished it could be so. No, just so we’re clear, no, having pig sexual encounters will not ¬†change our asexuality. NOTHING is likely to change our lack of attraction (for some, it may change, I won’t deny that. However, for other people, it will likely never change).

My big hope for the asexual community, ultimately, is respect; for asexual personally and for the asexual community as a whole. I hope that people will be able to be open about their own asexuality without the fear of being belittled or ridiculed. All we ask is a little bit of respect. We are who we are. Get over it!



We Should Be Open For Queries And Expect Questions, But We Deserve Respect

On “The Project” before, they did a story on asexuality. I was chuffed when I heard about it initially. However, I found the end offensive when one of the panellists scoffed and said it was “ridiculous” that people identified as asexual.

On the up side, I’m glad that asexuality is being discussed in the media and most of the coverage is quite good (albeit bit too brief), however, tonight on “The Project”, I was quite offended by of some of the disrespect on the panel. There is no need for it for anyone, regardless of orientation or anything else.

I think the asexual community need to be open to questions and even, to some extent, mistaken assumptions. Like I’ve said before, there has been a lack of exposure and research into asexuality until recently (as opposed to other sexualities), and like I’ve said, the asexual community hasn’t had the same political struggles as the LGBT. However, I found out tonight, we need to fight for respect, at least sometimes.

On the flip side, I just browsed both Facebook and Twitter and I was touched by most of the comments supporting asexual people and the fact that most people actually did acknowledge that it was a genuine orientation and the calls for it to be respected.

Did anyone else in Australia see the segment? What did you think?

More On Romantic Attraction

There is more to romantic attraction than what I wrote in my last post. As I very briefly mentioned,asexual people (and I’m guessing people of other orientations) can feel certain level of intensity of romantic attraction.

asexual people (and I’m guessing people of other orientations) can feel certain level of intensity of romantic attraction.

Grey Romantic: someone who only experiences romantic attraction sometimes. The intensity of their attraction may not be as strong, but ebb and flow.

Demi Romantic: someone who experiences romantic attraction to people they already have an emotional connection with.

Sapio Romantic: someone who experiences romantic attraction to those who they find intelligent.

Lithe Romantic:¬†someone who experiences a romantic “drive”, but has no desire to act on it. If they are approached for a romantic relationship, they will lIkely to be scared away.

Trans romantic: someone who is attracted to people who transgender.

They are all the terms I can think of at the moment. If you know any terms that I’ve missed, feel free to mention them in the comments below.