Asexuality Segment on ‘The Morning Show: Fixing Some Misconceptions

This morning, Australia’s ‘The Morning Shoow did a segment on asexuality, particularly in dating relationships. Now, at first, I’ve got to say, I wasn’t overly offended, however, when I thought about it properly, I did get the criticism that was posted on Facebook about it. Firstly, there is no ‘pesonality traits’ or whatnot to pick out an asexual. You will likely NOT know someone is asexual unless they tell you.

Secondly, we are not against physical affection. Yes, there are some that are touch averse, period, but not all of them. In fact, I’m personally very physically affectionate, always have been.

Dating history (or lack of), is not necessary a factor in determining when someone is or isn’t asexual. In fact, many asexuals do have a dating history and may have been sexually active in past relationships, especially before knowing about the term and applying it to themselves.

Addressing something co – host Larry Emdur said: asexuality is not erectile dysfunction or has to do with libido or genital function. Many asexuals have full genital function and many still have a libido. What asexuals don’t have (or have much of), is sexual attraction to anyone.

And finally, fixing up what a Facebook commenter said No, asexuality is NOT the same as asexual reproduction, nor is it the same as abstinence.

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The Need For Affection

Mamamia and news.com.au both adopted the story told originally to New York Magazine about a 58 – year – old heterosexual male who claims going through life not having lost his virginity or ‘without having a proper kiss’. This isn’t due to a choice to remain celibate. He links his lack of success with women to low self – esteem stemming from an abusive father. All the articles I’ve read seem to indicate more than just a lack of sex. It seems to be a lack of intimacy in general.

I’m not knocking the fact that this man would love an intimate relationship, but this story obviously goes beyond that. This man is looking for love and affection that he, by the sound of it, didn’t get while growing up, especially from his dad. As a result, it seems to me that he finds it extremely hard to connect with anyone, let alone on a sexual level.

The thing is, we all need to know we’re loved, from childhood throughout one’s life. To me, that’s the tragedy of this story. Non – voluntary celibacy, along with an eventual lack of desire seem to be symptoms rather than the problem. He’s even rejected suggestions that he could just see a sex worker. Obviously, he wants more than that.

I’ve often said that celibacy should be chosen by the individual, not thrusted on an individual. But regardless on whether we’ve had sex or not, we all need some form of love and intimacy in our lives. ThT to me, is ¬†what this story is really about.

 

has anyone else read the story? What did you think about it?