Debates On Asexuality And Whether They Help Or Hinder The Community

From time to time, I read on Facebook questions on what makes a person asexual. Let me pose a different question: is asexuality a genuine sexual orientation? I pose this question because I can’t help but wonder if it would change discussion within the asexual community.

According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is defined as: “sexual orientation refers to the sex of those to whom one is sexually and romantically attracted”   (American Psychological Association Help Centre). The article then goes through the orientations, with the exclusion of asexual and pan sexual.

So, if sexual orientation is defined as above, and we can agree that asexuality is a genuine sexual orientation (or non – sexual orientation if you want), then what’s with the arguing that can occur in asexual circles? If someone feels like they consistently lack sexual attraction, then he or she should be free to identify as asexual. Of course, this gets complicated when you consider that there is often a huge grey area when it comes to sexuality in general, and even asexuality.

A question that I find that is often asked, especially by newcomers into Asexual Facebook groups is: “Am I asexual if I…..?”. Frankly, I think if we define asexuality in such a way, then we will end up having a warped view on what asexuality actually is, unless, controversially, we end up saying that asexuality is NOT an orientation per se. I think I can say that the majority of asexual people (myself included) would strongly argue that it is an orientation, even though, like the other orientations, can become a little complicated.

I think it’s important that the asexual community comes into some sort of agreement of what asexuality actually is. Then hopefully, science and society in general will catch up.

The Fallacy of the Statement ‘Humans Are Sexual Beings’

I’ll admit, every time I hear the saying “people are sexual beings”, I want to call into a ball and never be seen again. I CAN’T experience sexual attraction, like most people who identify as asexual (I say “most as to include grey – sexual sand demi – sexuals).

I have written before about some of the early research into asexuality and other bloggers, like Jo Qualmann have written about asexuality erasure and current research. When I read about research into asexuality on Tumblr, it was so liberating. Sure, more needs to be done, by put it’s a start.

This research, if it’s valid, is starting to prove that the saying “people are sexual beings” isn’t totally true. MOST people are sexual, yes, but we are not ALL sexual. No matter what others say, or what we even say to ourselves, some of us may never experience sexual attraction.

Asexuality is NOT something to be ‘fixed’, or dare I say it, something that could even be ‘fixed’ even if some people wished it could be so. No, just so we’re clear, no, having pig sexual encounters will not  change our asexuality. NOTHING is likely to change our lack of attraction (for some, it may change, I won’t deny that. However, for other people, it will likely never change).

My big hope for the asexual community, ultimately, is respect; for asexual personally and for the asexual community as a whole. I hope that people will be able to be open about their own asexuality without the fear of being belittled or ridiculed. All we ask is a little bit of respect. We are who we are. Get over it!