No, Gays Aren’t Equal Because They Can Marry The Opposite Sex

This post isn’t an argument for or against same – sex marriage, but rather about, what I think, is a fallacious argument against it. Many same – sex marriage proponents (mostly straight, mind you), use the argument “Gays can already marry…. a person of the opposite sex”. While, yes, that’s true technically speaking, it’s flawed. Very flawed.

Think about this: why do most people in the West get married? Children are often a factor, yes, but according to Relationships Australia, the number one reason why most people get married is… love. And, for most people, this “love” wouldn’t be platonic, but sexual and/ or romantic in nature. Let’s be honest here! Most people don’t get married to people they are not attracted to! Most people don’t have to either! Most people can take this for granted. Most heterosexual people don’t have to think twice about who their attracted to, how they’ll be perceived in public, who they can take to the Débutante, the Year 12 Formal, who to take home to their parents, etc. But same – sex attracted people* often do, often with elements of fear of rejection and retaliation. For too many LGBT+ youth, these fears are confirmed.

Can mixed – orientation marriages, as in gay/ straight relationships, work? Well, yes, but if your open and read the link, the success rate isn’t high, at least in the US and very often leads to heartbreak.Straight/ straight, (and I’m making a generalisation here), don’t have to go through that. Mutual attraction, usually sexual and romantic, is just there. The same can’t (at least mostly) be said for same – sex attracted people in opposite – sex relationships. Trust me, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to try and force yourself to date someone who your not attracted to. It’s, figuratively speaking, is like hitting your head against a brick wall, as if trying to break it down, obviously without success. Other asexual people can attest the same (Julie Sondra Decker aka Swanky Ivy talks about it in her book Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality).

People are against same – sex marriage. I get it, and, actually, I can understand some of the reasons why. But this argument that “gays already have marriage equality” is, in my honest opinion, ridiculous.

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Equality: What Does It Mean?

Trigger Warning: violence, gender and sexuality discrimination. Proceed with caution if this is triggering for you.

The last couple of days have been about the campaign for equality. Last night, Sydney, NSW, celebrated the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. Like every year, the issues that come up surround the legalisation of gay marriage and other legal rights.

On Mamamia, Labor senator Penny Wong, herself a lesbian, wrote a post in the light of Mardi Gras about gay rights in Australia and how Australia falls short. She talked about, for example, the high instances of verbal and physical attacks gays and lesbians, specially young people, still face. I have written before that LGBT youth faced a much higher instance of bulling according to Youth Beyond Blue.

In late 2011, sister of conservative columnist, Andrew Bolt, Stephanie, wrote columns published in both Crikey and the Sydney Morning Herald about her wish for marriage equality to become legal in Australia. Her main reason? She argued that the marriage certificate made her feel more secure and validated (she’s married to her partner in Canada… at least she was at the time that the article was written). She too, faced violent attacks when she came out at 21.

To me, the issue goes beyond marriage, as I think these two examples point out (especially the Mamamia article). Whether we like to admit it or not, homophobia still exists. It’s still risky for gay people to reveal who thetpy are. Have we made progress? Yes, but we’ve. Still got a long way to go.

What about people who are bi? From what i’ve read, they seem to be attacked by both the gays and heterosexuals. I’ve been critical of how bisexual people are portrayed in the media, as do many people who identify as bi themselves. No, they don’t need to sleep with everyone they see! Stop fetishising them, (especially bi women), and turning who they are into nothing more than a porn movie! They just happen to be able to experience attraction to both men and women (well, usually). Deal with it! Same as pan sexuals and poly – sexuals are attracted to multiple genders (poly – sexuals aren’t attracted to all genders where as pan sexuals are just so we’re clear).

And finally, asexuals. I’ve said this again and again, first being believed would be nice (I’m talking for all asexuals here, not my experiences personally). I’d like there to come a point where discrimination and teasing of asexual people is frowned upon just as much as any other form of discriminatory behaviour. I’d love for all asexual women to be able to resist sexual advances without having their safety in jeopardy. I’d like for asexual men not to feel emasculated because of their asexuality. I’d like it for asexuals to not experience discrimination by health professionals (e.g. being treated like a ‘problem’ in relationship counselling.

So, yeah. We’ve come along way, for sure. Hopefully,we can go a little bit further so what I’ve written above can come true too.

What steps would you like to see takecplace as in LGBT+ rights?

Gay, Lesbian or Bi Bachelor/ Bachelorette?

Last Thursday, I read a post on Mamamia (“It’s Time For a Gay bachelor. Or Bachelorette” – Kate Leavete Thursday, September 4 2014). Now, for the record, I don’t watch The Bachelor at all. Doesn’t interest me at all, frankly. However, I’ve felt compelled to talk out this article.

Now, I know why this conversation has started up, the issue of LGBT equality. I get that. I have some qualms though.

First, one of the commenters said about having a bisexual one and make it one big ‘orgy ‘. Now she was probably being tongue – in – cheek, and I don’t want to condemn her for it. However, I fear that that’s exactly what will end up happening.

Also, another commenter said that they’ll end up just all falling for each other. So they can’t just fall for one person?

I think shows like “The Bachelor” are ridiculously staged. And I don’t think that it paints relationships in a good light because I find the contestants (of at least some of them), too two – faced. Frankly, I don’t think it paints relationships well at all.I get why this conversation has come up; LGBT equality as well as more recognition in the media. However, I worry about the representation. Will it just enforce negative stereotypes? I have strongly argued that the LGBT (especially bisexuals), have become fetishised in the media. It’s almost become the ‘rage’, if you like. That’s not what sexual orientation (or gender identity off that matter), is about. It’s a part of what makes up people. It’s not just something that can be switched off on a whim ( I don’t think it can anyway).

I think that most LGBT+ just want to be accepted and feel safe in being who they are. I don’t think that they want their identities (of a part of it anyway).

So, what about an asexual bachelor/ bachelorette? Nah, leave it as it is. Probably won’t watch it anyway.

What do you think?