Virginity

Australian women’s magazine “Cleo” has an issue with a story of a 24 – year – old woman who admits that she’s a virgin and is OK with that. I remember when reading about this on Twitter; about being a virgin at twenty – four, and my immediate reaction, was, I admit pessimistic; thinking it was just a virginity – shaming thing.

I was surprised by Cleo’s reply and am pleasantly surprised with the article. The woman, Peta Melrose, 24, is unashamed that she’s never had sex. She stands her ground, not bowing to peer pressure, social expectations or pressure from guys to lose it.l find this very positive.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so cynical, because they have done an article on asexuality before back in 2011, (I think), featuring blogger Johanna Qualmann. They let her tell her story. Unfortunately, no, the article didn’t go into romantic orientations, etc, not her fault, of course. Actually, it was the first time I actually saw asexuality being presented in mainstream media.

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Why Is Virginity Such A Big Deal (Or More Specifically Losing It Or Not)?

Earlier today, I was reading a blog post on Mamamia about a woman who was 28 and ‘accidentally’ a virgin.  She identified as straight (she specifically said she didn’t identify as asexual or gay). When I was reading the article, I thought to myself, why is it such a big deal? Why does this woman feel so much pressure and shame about the fact she hadn’t gone ‘all the way’ with a guy? Have we as a society gone too far the other way, in that people are, or at least feel shamed for not having sex?

These questions that ran through my head made me wonder if that ‘s one of the reasons why we still as a society have a fair way to go in fully accepting people who are asexual. Not only that, but this pressure is, obviously putting undue pressure on non – aces as well. Why do we value each other, and even ourselves on whether or not we’ve lost the ‘V – card’?

Last year, a story went global about a 58 – year – old man who hadn’t lost his virginity after being first published in ‘Science of Us’, then retold in the ‘New York Times’ and ‘Mamammia’. From what I read, his sex – life (or the non – existence of it) wasn’t his only problem. He seemed severely depressed and had issues from childhood it seemed like he hadn’t laid to rest. Yet, the title of these articles focused on the fact that he was a virgin. Click bait maybe?

On the last point, I think when talking about issues like this, I think it’s important to make sure we have to look at the full picture, not just focus on the fact on whether someone is a virgin or not. We shouldn’t pathologise people for not having sex yet(whether by choice or not). We should just accept the fact that people are different in many areas, when we lose our virginity, how and when we start dating, etc, etc. Can we just accept that?

I was heartened that most of the comments at the bottom of the post were supportive and saying that it shouldn’t matter. Some even said they’d lost their virginity in their late 20’s. So, there was support and empathy out there. Just a pity it’s deemed an issue at all.

 

What do you think? Is there too much emphasis on losing virginity?