Sex – Positivity and Inclusiveness In the Church

I follow the blog Church and Sex and have read a number of posts, especially from Patheos about the backlash against the purity movement, particularly in the US. I don’t want to get into an argument about what the morality of it all is, I can already imagine what people are going to say. I just want to talk about how sex – positivity could possibly affect both asexuals and people with conservative views on sex and sexuality.

First thing, most people are, so called “sexual beings”. I say “most people” because, of course, some people are asexual. But then again, maybe it depends on one’s definition. I believe that each person should be free to at least acknowledge the fact that they are (or aren’t) sexual. I don’t think people can kid themselves too long about that stuff. However, I don’t think acknowledging your sexuality is the same as being sexually active.

So, some people are starting to believe that sex doesn’t need to be saved until marriage. I’m just pointing out that some people think that. Again, I’m not here to debate the morality of it. Just, people think that… including some Christians, with some look at the original biblical transcripts (Greek mainly – New Testament).

I’ve written before the damage of the ethos that (at least what I think) drives the far – Right American Christian culture. However, I also warn the Progressive/ Left not to go too far the other way, as in to demonise people with conservative viewpoints and those who don’t want sex (whether they are asexual or not). I’m glad to say that I’ve seen posts on the Internet about Christianity and asexuality that are quite affirming, and to those people, I give credit. I just hope, outside the Internet, the Church, liberal or conservative, is accomodating to those who want to wait until marriage, people who have no desire for sex period (e.g. asexual people), and those who are genuinely believe they are called to celibacy.

That includes being ACCOMMODATING to these different types of people. That means not having a “married with children”, “newly married”, etc groups and leaving singles and celibates out of the church culture. It means not putting unreasonable pressure on singles to couple – up and making them feel like they’re a failure (I thnk that’s slowly decreasing). It means, as much as possible, to respectfully discuss conflicting viewpoints… if that’s possible (I say this because I tend to shy away from such debates).

That’s what I think about the future of the church and the discussion of sex. It’ll continue evolving, I’m sure. Hopefully not into a fight, though.

My Thoughts on Valentine’s Day

Saturday is Valentine’s Day. On the 11th, I asked what people thought (feel free to add your thoughts). I thought I’d add mine.

There are two somewhat contradicting theories on the origin of Valentine’s Day. One theory was that the day was originally an ancient Roman Pagan festival in which a sort of draw (I think) was held of people’s names. If two people’s names were drawn out, they got together. When Christianity became the official religion of Rome (I’m guessing under Emperor Constantine), the festival was modified and called ‘St. Valentine!s Day’.

Second theory. St. Valentine wss zatrhur priest who lived around 4th century AD under the Roman Empire. He ended up being imprisined because the pagan Emperor outlawed marriage, which Valentine continued to carry out. As punishment, he was imprisoned, however, he still wedded couples. During his imprisonment, he befriended one of the guards’ daughters. They exchanged notes… I’m guessing until he died. He died on February 14, hence the date. So that’s supposedly why cards are given on that day.

So, so, that’s a bit of historical theory. Now, my take. I think the idea of showing loved ones you care about (spouses, partners, friends, etc), is important. I think it’s nice to send someone a valentine whom you may not always have the opportunity to verbally let them know that you love and/ or care for them.

However, I think the over – commercialisation has killed it!s meaning. I don!t like the way it can stir up self – pity (esprpecially for singles), jealousy and pressure on those who have partners, spouses, etc. Where!s the love? Isn’t what it’s supposed to be all about? So, yeah, nice idea, but I think it’s lost.


What is your view on Valentine’s Day? I would especially like to hear singles on this. Do you still celebrate it with family/ friends? If you are partnered, do you celebrate it with your significant other/ partner/s?

What I’d Want and Don’t Want If Asexual Characters Were Included In Popular Fiction

Ok, I’m convinced, yes, it would be great if asexual characters were included in popular fiction (books, movies, TV shows, video games, etc). BUT (and yes, it is a big but), if asexual characters are to be included in story lines, I want a fair, non – stereotypical representation of asexuality ( I suppose if it’s a satire thing or an important part of the plot, then OK). If we’re going to have representation in pop culture, I want it to add to visibility, not further alienate asexual people from society. Here’s a few ideas on what I personally think should be considered when asexual people are included in fictional narratives:

  • As mentioned above, limit stereotypes unless necessary
  • That writers don’t create asexual characters in a way hat further enforces discriminative attitudes. I’ve read many blog posts about bisexuals about this. Bisexual characters often jump from one gender to another, only to further enforce the negative attitudes
  • Characters shouldn’t be asexual one minute, then not the next: I get that sexuality can be fluid or not so clear – cut for people, but there a ARE people who are asexual and have always been and probably always will be. Asexuality is an orientation, not a phase
  • I want asexual characters to be portrayed as fully human, with feelings, thoughts, strengths weaknesses and the same complexity as anyone else
  • I want to see the many dimensions of the character, not just their asexuality focus on their asexuality (see point above)
  • i want the complexity of different relationships of asexual characters, (family, friends, partners, etc), to be shown.

Not an exhaustive, and stuff that you’ve probably read before, but this is what I think.

To other asexual people in particular, what would you like to see in fictional asexual characters?