Monthly Archives: September 2014

Are We A New Phenomenon? Er… No

Just read a very short, not the best written article on asexuality. To the writer’s credit, he/ she (didn’t catch who the author was), didn’t try and medicalise asexuality. Apparently, we  exist to contradict a hyper – sexual culture. So, what, we’ve only existed in they past 60 or so years, a time when sexuality, including gay rights and visibility in the West at least? Simple answer, no. Please get this. If you share this information, even better – asexuality is an ORIENTATION. Asexuals simply don’t experience sexual attraction, or if we do (greys, demos, etc), it’s limited. Most asexual people, like people of other orientations, know (or suspect) that they are asexual around the same time others know they are straight, gay, bi, etc. why is it so hard for so many people to get this? So, I’ll finish off with a short summary of what asexual people are and aren’t:

  • We are not ‘innocent’ (seriously, sex is still something to feel guilty about? )
  • We don’t need to be ‘fixed’
  • We are not an enigma or something mysterious
  •  Like all orientations, the reasons why certain people are asexualvarecprobably complex and can’t be pinpointed (yet)
  • First and foremost WE ARE PEOPLE!

MAMA MIA! Another Article On Asexuality!

Anyone who has read any posts on this blog, I hit the roof when asexuality is mentioned in the media. It always brings a bit of tension. What’s going to be said? Are we going to be mocked? Pathologised?

Today, I stumbled on a blog post about asexuality on the blog, Mamamia (“This is What It’s Like To Live Without Sex” – Thursday September 25 Jo Qualmann).

It was brilliant! First, Jo Qualmann is herself, an asexual. She has been very open in the media about asexuality, including in Cleo magazine and on SBS’s “The Feed” earlier this year. So, now, she adds Mamamia to her list of media contributions.

I applaud Mamamia publisher, Mia Freedman first and foremost, for letting Qualmann write the article and publishing it. Thank you for letting Jo tell her personal story and getting asexuality more visibility.

A big applause should also go out to Australian Sexual Health sex therapist, Desiree Spierling for her comment at the end of the article. She acknowledged struggles faced by a number of asexuals without treating it like something that should be fixed. She basically pointed out that much of the struggles that asexuals face are within society and to do with confusion bought on by invisibility, not because asexuality is a disorder. To quote Donkey from ‘Shrek 2’ “Oh finally!”.

So, I’ll say it once again, Jo Qualmann, great article and to the Mamamia team, THANK YOU.

What If….

In light of Bi Visibility Day, which was apparently yesterday, I thought I’d play a ‘what if’ game.

  • What if we could look at each other as humans rather than sexual (or perceived) acts?
  • What if we just leave each other alone and just let it be?
  • What if we just admitted when we don’t understand what it’s like to be gay/ bi/ asexual, etc and move on?
  • What if ALL incidents of sexual harassment were taken seriously?
  • What if people took our identities seriously?
  • What if everyone minded they’re own business when necessary?
  • What if all LGBT+ youth could feel safe from being bullied or harassed?

Frankly, I’m constantly gobsmacked at the amount of discrimination that people still face. Even if you disagree with someone, you can show a tad bit of courtesy. If you don’t understand, just admit it. We still have a LONG way to go in terms of fair treatment, particularly of LGBT+ people.

A Song I Love

This song is one of my favourite songs of all time. From the British group Supertramp in 1977, I just love, not just the music (Roger Hodgson is a great vocalist/ guitarist), but also the lyrics. A song about platonic love, rather than romantic. I think it’s brilliant.

Enjoy. 🙂

About “Special Rights”

I write this post, not in a bid to start a war. It’s just something on my mind. Ok… here goes. When people talk about issues like equality for women, gay rights, etc, sometimes you here the term “special rights” given to certain groups. But what are special rights, exactly?

  • The right not to live in fear because of your racial background, gender identity or sexuality
  • The right to not be harassed for who you are
  • A right not to be bullied because of who you are
  • Right to not be emotionally wrecked after being promised changes that will most likely never work (e.g. “ex – gay” therapy)
  • A right not to be stressed out of your brain in fear of losing family/ friends if you open up about who you are
  • A right to not have to feel like your less than human

Last time I checked, these were HUMAN RIGHTS. Not special rights. And, whether we like to admit it or not, sexual/ gender minorities in particular are more at risk of violence, discrimination and suicide than the general population. Students do get bullied because of sexuality or perceived sexuality (last time I heard, it was the second biggest reason students get bullied after disability).

Until all this stops, minorities are fighting for safety and a right to live in harmony, a right that everyone should be granted. They are NOT special rights.

Under Pressure

I am sick to death of the pressure put on people when it comes to being ‘sexual’ or ‘attractive’. It’s everywhere! I just read on The Mamamia blog about a dating site for ‘beautiful people’ being encouraged to ‘adopt’ an ‘ugly’ person then ‘helping’ them become more attractive (make – overs, plastic surgery, etc).

I’m sorry, but I find this total crap! I get people get attracted to others because of certain characteristics, including looks, usually through no fault of their own. Even I can’t help really acknowledging that someone is attractive. The reason why I hate this is the fact that it’s so elitist, (let’s face it, only some people would be able to fit the profile they’re looking for).

Secondly, this ‘adopt an ugly person’ idea sounds purely exploitive of people’s insecurities. Isn’t only going to further stigmatise people already marginalised in society?

 

As a woman, I am sick to death of being  ‘reminded’, if you like, that I’m never good enough. Either I don’t look right, I’m subhuman because I’m asexual or other reasons, I’m just over it.

It’s time that we start accepting people for who they are. The pressure on people needs to come down. How else are we suppose to battle eating disorders or bullying if we marginalise and bully people? I’ve just had it!

 

What do you think about this?