Earlier this month, America’s Cosmopolitan did an online article “Sex Talk: Asexuality”. And I just want to say a big kudos to Rachel Hill who wrote the article.
Two young women who identified as asexuals asked a number of questions. Not once did Hills or anyone else pathologise asexuality like a lot of articles do. They also asked women gor their own personal EXPERIENCES rather than stereotypes. That was so refreshing!
So, to the American Cosmo team, I say a big THANK YOU and great article!
Response to Tom Elliot’s editorial piece: “Nothing Natural About Celibacy”:
Dear Mr. Elliot
I want to respond to the editorial piece you wrote ‘Nothing Natural About Celibacy’ (Herald Sun, 30/8/2014, p. 15). A quote jumped out at me when I was reading it:
Physical intimacy with a significant other is a normal and fundamental part of human existence
For most people, I repeat MOST PEOPLE this is the case. But it isn ‘t the case for a small number of people (e.g. people who are asexual). Why do I bring this up? Because it’s true. I’m on of those people. Right back from my sex and emotional intimacy didn’t necessarily go hand in hand. All crushes I’ve had have never been physical, always emotional. Throughout my life, unless my orientation changes, that’s going to continue to be the case.
Why did I bring this up? Because I’m tired of people like me getting either completely ignored in the media or having our feelings invalidated. We do exist! I can’t just ‘make’ myself sexual ( if there’s a form of re- orientation therapy that I haven’t heard about and it’s actually scientifically PROVEN to work, tell me about it I’m interested (I honestly doubt it though).
I honestly respect the fact that MOST humans have an innate drive to seek out a sexual partner. My argument, is that not EVERYONE has that drive and it would be great if that could be acknowledged.
Cheers.
What’s going on in your world? What do you want me to post about? Feel free to share! I’ll write posts on comments I get.
Note to all the non – aces out there – if someone you know has told you that they’re asexual PLEASE show respect toward them. You don’t have to ‘get it’ , just respect you’re friend/ partner/ relative who has told you that they’re asexual. I’m lucky that identifying as asexual hasn’t stirred too much drama, but not everybody is so lucky.
A conservative commentator was accused of misogyny after criticising the former Governor General for her role in international matters over a year ago. So a middle – aged man, who’s married, and who has actually vocally condemned a very insensitive comment toward another woman is now a misogynist?
This political correctness and using such terms as a means to attack someone who has made a critical comment, which, by the way, had nothing to do with gender (from what I could understand), is not just political correctness gone mad, but I truly believe, waters down the suffering that women really face misogyny around the world. Real abuses go on around the world. Women are devalued, not given legal rights, are victims of violence because they are women, sexual harassment is often brushed aside and many women find it virtually impossible to get justice after being attacked in many cases. These are what I consider examples of misogyny.
I have said it before that political correctness backfires. We can’t get to the point that terms like ‘misogyny’ are so overused that no one takes cases that should be given the time of day.
People really suffer discrimination around the world, whether misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. People even die or face severe violence because of who they are. It’s not something to be trivialised.
Currently, I’m studying Diploma of Early Childhood Education and Care. It will allow me to work in various childcare settings, including preschools.
Today, I thought about if I’d ever have children of my own. That’s been another thing in my life that has been really made me quite uncertain for nine years. When I was younger, (before sixteen), having children was a given, at least in my mind. Over time, the number of children was anywhere from two to twelve (true story. It plummeted back at two when I did the “Baby a Think It Over” program in Year Nine).
Now I’m not so sure how it’ll pan out. I’m not really that obsessive anymore about having children. I have thought about different possibilities, if it were to happen.
By no means, am I ready to have children yet, which brings another point to mind. I’m in my mid 20’s and I don’t think I want to wait too much longer from when I’m 30 if I weds to have any at all. That gives me about give or so years to work it out, which, when you think about it, isn’t that long.
These questions are aimed at asexual people in particular. Do you have children? If not, do you want any? Has a desire to have children changed over time?
Before I was sixteen, I always assumed that I’d get married one day. I think that assumption was throw out the window when I was sixteen, and definitely whe I fully identified as asexual just before the age of twenty – one. Please note, I get asexual people get married. I’m not knocking that. It’s just for me personally, identifying as asexual to me, threw it out e window.
What do I think of marriage in general? I believe in life – long monogamy, to be honest (easy for me to say, I know). I believe that, for most people, sexual and romantic attraction plays a major role in who people choose to marry (in the West anyway). I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. It’s just the way it is for many people. Friendship is important, but I think it, at least starts as much more.
Will I ever get married? Well, I suppose you cant’t predict the future, but a part of me doubts it. As long as I have love in my life; friends, family, etc, that’ll be enough, at least for now.
What do you think of marriage? If you aren’t married, do you think you will? Why of why not?
I just read a Huffington Post article called “5 Reasons Why You Should Have Sex With Your Husband Every Night”. Thank God I’m single! Articles like this and other media like it drive me crazy!
by the look if the article, the writer was relatively young. It wasn’t based on scientific research. Any way, here are some gripes I had with it:
Stereotypes and generalisations: Early in in the article, if was basically suggested that women’s ultimate reason for existence was motherhood. Now, I’m not knocking women who are mothers. If you are, then great. If you want to be, then good luck to you. But to suggest that the whole purpose for women to exist is to hear children is, frankly absurd and dangerous. What about women, who for medical reasons can’t bear their own children? Are they suppose to feel worse? Every woman is different.
Too much pressure: So a woman has to have children (essentially according to this article), then, I’m guessing lose 20 kg the second you have he baby, and every day, regardless of how you feel. Apparently, it doesn’t matter how you feel. I get that most people feel like they need sex to feel connected to their spouses/ partners, but I still don’t like the pressure that it puts on people
Very immature overall: The article had a arrogant and immature tone.
What about adversity? To me, the article was too utopian. What do you do if a spouse gets sick? Leave them for someone else? This is what I meant by “dangerous” earlier on in the post. There are some things that come into people’s lives that may affect people’s sex lives. What then?
I’m not an expert. I’m really not. I just hate the damned if you do/ damned if you don’t attitude about women’s sexuality. We don’t need to add to it, surely.
Has anyone else read the article? What did you think?
“I wish I was asexual”.
Personally, i’ve never heard anyone say this. I’ve only read about it online. I think, more often than not, said when the person saying it doesn’t exactly know what asexuality actually is.
So, for people who have said it, I ask, what do you actually mean?
Wishing you could remain single? Your relationship or even your sexual status doesn’t determine your orientation. Want to remain single or celibate? Fine. Doesn’t change your orientation though.
Want to lose your libido for some reason? Doesn’t make you asexual. I actually used to think that the two went hand in hand, which confused me. But sexual attraction, libido and even sexual desire aren’t necessarily the same.
I’ve already said countless times what asexuality is and I don’t think it need to rehash it all over again. I think the points above give you some idea anyway.
Debates about feminism is starting to rage again. Yesterday, on Weekend Sunrise, I caught most of a discussion about how young women don’t embrace feminism.
I have some pretty strong views in feminism. As an ideology, feminism has played a role in the condemnation of discrimination and domestic violence. Partly, at least, feminism played a role in making marital sexual abuse a criminal offence. Women in Australia and the UK are indebted to feminists to ensure that women have the right to vote.
in my honest opinion, I think many women in particular, have dropped the ball. I think women are demonised when they speak out about sexual harassment and rape victims still often don’t feel safe to come out in fear of not being believed (this happens to men too, I get that). There is still wage gaps between men and women (in Australia, women are paid approximately 17% less than men doing the same job).
There is downside to how feminism has occurred. It seems to me that the biggest argument against feminism is that it’s misandrist (man – hating), and has become about demonising men of rape when the accused is innocent. Statements like “all men are rapists” doesn’t help anybody, men or women. Misinformation doesn’t help anyone either. The hashtag campaign on Twitter #YesAllWomen was inspired by the massacre committed by Elliot Rogers in California earlier this year, despite the fact, that four of the six people killed were men. Later, I found the parody campaign #EndFathersDay campaign distasteful.
Secondly, feminism in the West falls short of condemning abuses against girls and women in a number of countries, particularly the Middle East, Africa and some countries in Asia. Very few feminists are vocal against Female Genital Mutilation, honour killings and other barbaric practices every day. If feminists are about the rights of women and equality, why not stand against these atrocities?
Lastly, we need to realise that different women make choices in their lives that seem to be the best choices, at least at the time. The “mummy wars” doesn’t help anyone. Whether a woman is a working mother, a stay – at – home housewife/ mother, or single and childless (or coupled and childless), everyone should have the freedom to do what works off them. Also, we need to help women who need it, regardless of who they are.
Whether you call yourself a ‘feminist’ or not, I think that most people can agree on what is definitely unacceptable in terms of the treatment of women (and men). Can’t we just agree on what needs to be done, take action and stand together?
Asexuality in A Sexual World 