Celibate and Still in A Relationship?

Since the collapse of “ex – gay minstries” in the US and Australia, the conversation about gays and Christianity have started to shift. Instead of talking about “changing” one’s sexuailty, the emphasis has been on whether Christians who identify as gay should remain celibate. I have argued before that I think there should be support and respect for people who choose to be celibate because of religious conviction. One question – does remaining celibate, particularly for religious reasons, means remaining single?

As an asexual, it’s easy for me to say,  “OF COURSE it’s possible to have a romantic relationship and not have sex!”, but I understand for people who are allosexual (people who are not asexual), it may not be so clear cut. Should people who choose to be celibate remain single to avoid “temptation” or is it possible for them to have a romantic relationship anyway?

 

So, I’m genuinely curious about this. If someone remains celibate (especially for faith reasons), should that person remain single or can they enter a non – sexual but romantic relationship?

‘Purity’ and Celibacy vs. Sex: My Take on the Christian Debate

There has been a shift among some Christians, not just on issues like gay marriage, but sexuality as a whole. In the US, there seems to be a bit of a backlash against the purity movement and a move of opinion in some circles as to whether sex is solely meant to be dons in a legal marriage. Here’s what I believe on the issue.

I think the problem with the purity movement and Evangelical, as well as Catholic circles is that ‘purity’ has been translated to mean, ‘be asexual until your married’. Furthermore, in a number of youth groups, the cloud of ‘sex’ and ‘lust’ is essentially put over kids’ heads and they’re expected to ignore it. How’s that suppose to work, exactly? Wouldn’t it make more sense to get boys and girls to talk about respect in general? Talk about a wider scope of male – female relationships? Telling people just to ‘wait until marriage’ just seems to be not working.

 

I want to shout a warning to the far Left of Christian circles – please, please don’t make people feel like people HAVE to have sex. Please don’t feed more pressure to people, just on the other end of the spectrum. (By the way, I want to acknowledge the creator of the blog ‘Chrch and Sex’ for creating a post acknowledging asexuality – thank you). If people truly believe that they are to remain celibate or wait until marriage, then those people need to be accepted and encouraged by Christians, not criticised.

 

My overall view is that it’s not up to everyone else on whether people should have sex or not. Acknowledge your sexuality, yes, feel pressured to act out sexually, no. I truly believe that people. Christians and non – Christians should live by their convictions. Telling people that they should have sex is as flawed as forcing people to remain celibate. That’s my take on it.

What do you think?

Sex Positivity

Sex positivity is something that is, on the whole healthy, both within and outside the asexual community. However, (and this is a BIG however), we should not medicalise or go out to psychoanalyse people who say that they find it disgusting or otherwise unfavourable.

I made a post last year on the importance of owning your sexuality. Sometimes, that means accepting the fact that you don’t want it and accepting the fact that the idea of sex doesn’t appeal to you.

I admit, sometimes, sexual content in movies,etc makes me kind of squeamish. Other times, I’m just apathetic about the whole thing. Quite frankly, what stresses me out is when the whole idea that we’re all MEANT to be sexual or the one like it, that everyone feels (or is meant to feel) sexual attraction stresses me out. Frankly, it makes me feel alienated at time

Another group that should be given respect is people who choose to remain celibate for whatever reason. I’ve read a lot about Christians who identify as gay. Since the closing of ministries like Exodus International in the US and Living Waters in Australia, the debate has changed in a lot of Christian circles from whether people should change from gay to straight to whether or not they should remain celibate. Christians, of all orientations are divided on this. Some gay Christians (and yes,  for this article, I am using the terms ‘gay Christian’), feel convicted to remain celibate. They too should be respected.

Regardless of the reasoning for people to remain celibate, such people deserve respect. Similarly, people who feel apathetic toward sex or even feel averse or repulsed by sex should also be treated with respect, without automatically pitying them or treating them like they have something that needs to be ‘fixed’. We are all different and I wish we could at least begin to respect that.

 

 

Why Are So Many Asexuals Atheist?

I’ve just read two blog posts from two asexual bloggers who describe themselves as atheists. One blog (The Asexual Agenda) posted that 23% of asexual people claim to be atheist. I wonder why that is? I understand that asexuals come from theistic backgrounds (myself included), but atheism seems to be a bit over represented in my view.

As a Christian, I have never really had any problem with other Christians surrounding asexuality. Then again, it never gets bought up in conversation, and if subjects like sexuality come up, I have tended to go with the flow. Interestingly, since posts have appeared on my Facebook page, there hasn’t been any backlash against me from any of my friends.

Who does have a religious background? If you’re asexual, how does that affect the way you view your asexuality? For those who are atheists, what do you think?